Once upon a time, before there were such things as blogs, we moved from the city to the country. And at that time, letters sent through Canada Post, conversations on the telephone and messages sent via dial-up email were the only forms of non face-to-face communication we had with the outside world. Until blogs came along and well, now here we are.
And lo, this city mouse quickly became a country mouse and found, not only were there fewer country mice than city mice, fewer raccoons and fewer skunks, less noise and less traffic, there were other things one discovered living in the middle of nowhere. Here are a few:
1. Pets can be livestock but livestock cannot be pets.
2. Barn cats are not pets
3.You don’t name an animal if it isn’t a pet.
4. If you name an animal that isn’t a pet, it will die one way or another.
5. Your pet dog will probably not die if it eats dead things.
6. Your pet dog will definitely stink for days if it rolls in dead things.
7. Country mud will suck the boots right off your feet.
8. A boot room is the most useful room in a country home.
9. Do not install laminate flooring in a boot room.
10. No matter what you try, nothing deters cluster flies.
11. During their giddy season, said flies enjoy swimming in your coffee mug.
12. When the forecast calls for a chance of rain, it really means 100%.
13. Unless you want it to rain, in which case it won’t rain at all.
14. A few mice will invade your house sometime around October/November.
15. If you live anywhere near hay or straw, fleecewear is not your friend.
16. You’ll really believe there are four zillion stars in the night sky.
17. Either a delinquent or the snowplow will batter your mailbox at least once.
18. You can trust your neighbour to return your mail that’s strewn down the road.
19. Sometimes the snowplow actually clears the end of your driveway.
20. A road that is a school bus route should be plowed before one that is not.
21. Your newspaper will invariably be tossed in the snow and consequently shredded to bits by the snowblower.